I often struggle with internalizing and allowing something to fester up and become much bigger than it needs to be. Over the years I have learned how to implement techniques to let the little things go.
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If you’re struggling to make consistent changes in your life, it could be because your body has gotten used to operating as if there is a ticking clock above your head. Perhaps everything feels like it needs to be done NOW, while thinking of 8 other things. Or maybe you get so overwhelmed, you feel frozen and depressed, so doing anything feels monumental.
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As someone who is learning how to have fun, a big part of my recovery is learning how to connect with myself, my inner child, in fun ways! Of course, part of the healing process is feeling our feelings, often feelings we have worked really hard not to feel. In this way, healing our emotional wounds can often be exhausting and overwhelming. It’s important to balance out the hard stuff with fun stuff!
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“Let go or be dragged” One of the members from group last night shared with us this AA slogan, “Let go or be dragged”. It’s really speaking to me this morning as I am continuing to take back the illusion of control. I surrender, and turn this over and then a few minutes later I find myself obsessing about a detail or a way that I might be able to manipulate a situation.
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ACA and my recovery has taught me how the concepts of powerlessness, unmanageability, and an external locus of control have showed up in my life and in my relationships. I often work with clients who are seeking therapy because their lives feel so unmanageable, a feeling I am very familiar with.
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“In healthy families, the parents are there to meet the emotional needs of the children. In dysfunctional families, the children are there to meet the emotional needs of the parents.” Virginia Satir
In helping individuals in their own recovery, and or couples that are trying to lead their family in a healthier direction, this statement illuminates where some wounding may have taken place, or where some healing can still take place.
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Many years ago & when I first got into recovery, I was introduced to the term, Family of Choice. It was presented as being distinctly different than the family I was born into, and that there are specific criteria for members of a Family of Choice. Conceptually, I had no reference point. Yet seeing it play out was profound and life changing.
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PMADs are most commonly described or known as postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression, but there is also postpartum panic, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder with postpartum onset, and postpartum psychosis. While these experienced are often described as having a postpartum onset, this is not entirely accurate. In truth, many PMADs present during pregnancy. For those with a history of depression and/or anxiety, symptoms may increase as pregnancy progresses.
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Re-think your idea of intimacy. Many people immediately think physical intimacy, forgetting that emotional intimacy is equally important for a couple to have a deep connection. Emotional intimacy means hearing, understanding, emotionally supporting, and connecting with your partner outside of or in addition to physical contact.
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What does your inner critic say to you? When you walk by a mirror what do you tell yourself? When you make a mistake at work, what do you think about yourself? We all have self-talk, and we should be kind to ourselves. Yet at times, we are our worst critic and beat ourselves up over whatever is happening in our lives. We need to practice self-compassion.
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Understanding our nervous system is the key to unlocking our capacity to experience peace, joy, calm, and connection with ourselves and other people. When we are experiencing a stress or trauma response, our bodies begin employing survival strategies (this is our fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses).
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In one of Sharon’s lectures about coupleship, I remember her saying so simply, ”helpful couples therapy in a matter of two or three sessions should be able to identify what each individual is bringing to the relationship that needs individual healing.” In other words, in a few sessions the dysfunction that each individual brings to the relationship from their family of origin and or life before they ever met their partner, will be brought into the light. The light shines on what’s not working. This becomes the obvious material that each individual takes into their individual therapy
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Wintertime can come with the “winter blues”; people can feel more sluggish and gloomier. Unfortunately, sometimes the “winter blues” impact daily life so extensively that it becomes Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
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It’s the season of LOVE! Truly, shouldn’t all seasons be a time to cultivate love and make meaningful deposits into your relationship banks? The more often we make meaningful ‘deposits’ into our relationship love bank (ie, moments of connection, feeling seen, heard, loved), the less impactful it can feel when withdrawals (ie, conflict, moments of disconnection or distraction) inevitably occur.
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Anxiety was my nemesis. It was this gnawing thing that confused me and felt ever present until I began looking at anxiety as a fear response- one designed to protect me-that I was misinterpreting. My anxiety was present because something WAS wrong- not because everything was going right. So, my anxiety was doing its job, I just wasn’t sure what it was trying to tell me. Here are some things you can ask yourself when you’re feeling that gnawing feeling too.
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Does convenience or circumstances dictate my boundaries, or do my boundaries dictate my circumstances? This was such a pivotal question that a therapist once asked me. I had no idea that it would be turning point in my own recovery.
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Do you struggle in your relationship? That should probably be a rhetorical question because I’ve yet to meet any person who doesn’t have some struggle in one of their relationships. You’re not alone. Do you become activated quickly and find it hard to remain calmly engaged with your partner or others? Do you find yourself retreating from relationships? Do you find yourself becoming anxious or depressed when your partner, friend, or family member is upset? If so, you may find healing in a group therapy experience.
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Have you ever been in the middle of a fight or argument with someone, maybe a spouse/partner, friend, parent, sibling, and thought to yourself, “How did we even get here?”
Me too.
This time between Christmas and New Year’s feels so good to reflect, renew and set some intention for a new year. I’m amazed at the power of writing down thoughts and intentions. This gives me an opportunity to consider my hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. Here is a simple outline for an intention setting activity.
People chose not to drink alcohol for many reasons and being encouraging of that decision is important to me. I try to focus on encouragement, understanding, and connection when someone has decided not to drink. Below are some things I have found helpful during Holiday celebrations, especially for someone who is new in their sobriety journey or is “sober curious”
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